Looking Outward

Dear Friend D,

I love all of the pictures that you have been sending.  I totally just realized that you are about to be a mom of 4!!!  When did that happen?  It doesn't seem that long ago that we were sitting together at football games.  Have you really been married that long to have a second baby?

I have been wanting to write for a few months in response to the things that you have said about weight and accepting yourself.  I thought it was really great and obviously inspired several people besides myself.

If you don't mind, I have something that I would like to share to add to that.

So, in the past two weeks I realized something.  I must say, no laughing, we all learn things in our own time, because I am sure that it totally seems obvious to everyone else.  With it being January and all, I have been thinking about resolutions and especially about these things that I want to do.

Over the past few years (kinda since our separation) I have been on a long, downward, negative spiral.  This has literally brought me down as I have become worried about what everyone else thinks about me instead of being my bright, happy, and confident self (like when you first me).

This brings me to Exhibit A.  This is a picture that illustrates how I commonly stand.  I am looking down at my midsection to see if it is sticking out, because I hate looking pregnant when I am not pregnant, and I especially hate looking pregnant if I can't have kids.  This illustrates how turned into myself I was.

So seriously just this month, I realized that if I started looking out at others rather than down at myself (because who really cares if I don't have a six-pack, and I know that I am not even fat)...if I look out at others then it pulls in my stomach and I don't even have that problem.  Talk about a blessing in disguise ;)

Isn't that so obvious?  If I stick out my stomach to check if it is there, then of course it's going to be sticking out.  If I let it be, then it'll be fine, and I won't even notice either way because I will be focused on others and not myself.

Exhibit B  There are my little toesies with no tummy in the way.  While you can't see it, my eyes are looking out forward rather than down.

These pictures are horrible, but I was too embarrassed to ask for Husband's help, so hopefully they make enough sense.  Like I said, no laughing, this was an important thing for me to learn.  One looking down, and one looking out.

I hope to look outside of myself much better now that I have realized this.  It makes me think of the scripture "when ye are in the service of your fellow being, ye are only in the service of your God".

Well, D.  You are the best.  I hope everything works out well with the physics and whatever.  I hope everything goes well with your new little one coming, and I hope to see you again someday to see your smile, hear your voice, and see the light of Christ of in your eyes.  W W W White.   W W W Wow.

Best Wishes,


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