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Monday, December 20, 2010

Righteous Desires



Dear Friend M,


I was so flattered to get your email a few days ago.  It made my day to read that you were thinking about me.  Hopefully we can have a reunion someday with A, C, and S.  That would be so fun.  I actually think about it kind of often, hopefully dreaming.  I have not talked to A and S in years.


So here I am writing back to you.  Today, (meaning for months) I have had a quote on my mind.


"I also believe that the desire to have children in the single sisters and in these couples probably won’t go away if they’re righteous, because that is a God-given desire. It speaks to their very natures and the training they received in the heavens. That longing will not go away. But the Lord will bless them." Building Up A Righteous Posterity, 2008


I know that you have always wanted to a be a mom.  Your love of children has been great as has your love of all people.  You have one of the kindest hearts that I know, and you have often been an example to me.  I know that you have always wished you were more outspoken like me and maybe had more confidence, but I have always quietly observed and watched how unselfish you are.  You are a true disciple of Jesus Christ.


In our youth, I remember all of the joking that we did about getting married and what the guy would be like.  We planned out our lives and of course it always included a cute guy and lots of children.  I am already a mom and I am grateful that I have one child when so many have none.  I recently learned though that my hopes of many more children are over.


I have always known that my reproductive system didn't work quite right, but I just thought it was "quirky".  I just was diagnosed with the same disease that you have, which was quite a shock.  While I am glad to be diagnosed and not just "crazy in the head", it is slowly sinking in what that really means.


I am not sure what your treatment is currently since we are in different situations and it's been a long time since we have talked about you having it, so I am not 100% sure that we are really dealing with exactly the same issue anymore.  Basically, I have been given two choices to manage the situation and prevent cancer.


1.  Take one type of pill that has lesser/ more live-able side effects which will be the final blow and means no possible chance of anymore kids


2.  Take a boatload of different pills that have horrible/ intense/ make my life a nightmare side effects to have the "chance" of more kids


I would prefer door number 3.


3.  Take no pills, go back to "quirky" but happy, and take the cancer-risk.  IF I get cancer then I could live a horrible/ intense/ make my life a nightmare treatment plan.


What would you do?  We're young.


Anyways, this quote has been on my mind for months (way before I knew anything) because these desires are  righteous.  They are God-given.  That means they are right.  It is okay to ache for children that may never be.


Read the whole article.  This part is from the Roundtable Discussion and was said by Sis. Beck.  It also talks about women who never marry.  The whole message overall is about raising up a righteous posterity, and I do have posterity, and I am content, but since I have to live with some sort of constant side effects for the rest of my life, I have been thinking about righteous desires.  Thy will, be my will.  And so it goes.


Thank you again,
Lindsay

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