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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nor is Lindsay their official spokesperson.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Family of Four


Dear Readers,

I have been avoiding this post for some reason for 23 days...almost a month.  I am not sure why, but I have been.

When I first started working on these thoughts I was going to go in the direction of Daughter's bear.  "Bear" has somehow managed to become a fourth member of our family.  He has been in 30 some states with us.  He has gone camping, to Disney World, to the park, to the beach, on a houseboat, to church, to the zoo, just everywhere.  More recently he eats, sleeps, sits on the potty, gets his face washed, teeth brushed, etc.  I talk to Bear just as I talk to my Daughter.  i.e."Time to get in the car, Bear.  Let's go!"

The way Daughter played with Bear it was as though they were siblings.

I thought it'd be fun to post pictures of Bear over the years with our family, but I don't feel like it anymore (which ironically is mainly why this has been delayed, I didn't want to take a current picture until Bear went through the wash, again!).

Maybe Bear has become so real because we were trying to subconsciously fill a void.   You see, back when I was writing here and here it was about this:

Excerpt of a Letter to Friend D. (not posted on this blog)
"In short, we were asked to adopt 2 children.  This was completely out of the blue with no warning.  This seemed perfect considering we have a small chance of having more, and a whole host of other reasons.  We prayed and felt right about it.  We started to make preparations for these children.  A few days later, we just knew we couldn't take the children.  Not because we were chickening out on being adoptive parents, or because of financial reasons, or fear of having 3 children under the age of 3, but because we knew that it was God's will for us NOT to take them.  That He had a plan for us that was wonderful though it might involve less children than our wants or desires."
 As you might imagine there was a roller coaster of emotions.  Something so surprising and unexpected, but wonderful, but then it didn't end up happening, so we were back to where we were before, except for the big emotional deviation.

And I really am fine about the whole thing and have been for awhile.  I don't plan to go back and write more about this, not because it is too tender or unresolved, but mainly I just feel like it is such "old news" to Husband and I.  We have had so many experiences since then that looking back this one situation is just another drop in our bucket of testimony oil.  It didn't end up happening, so there's just nothing to really say that wouldn't be dwelling on the past and unproductive.

However,

Last week I did have a breakthrough.  I realized that all of these months (so way before this situation) I have always been thinking in terms of "the next one" and how Daughter would make a great sibling, even though I had accepted that it was going to be a long time and was out of my control.

So, in short, because I feel like this post is getting awkwardly long, I have been a much better parent to Daughter.  I talked to her doctor about being an "only" child and she said that there is no significant research that shows it is detrimental.  After that, I finally embraced the idea of having an only child, something that I have never been completely willing to accept, because Husband and I both come from large families.  It was foreign to me.  That doesn't mean I am saying we'll always have an only child, but for the benefits for MY brain, for now we have a permanent family of three.

Today is my final word on adoption (for awhile).  We don't qualify and to our understanding, can't for 2 years.  I am open to it, and that's all I need for now.  I have a lot of years left to live, so I can worry about it in 2 years.  I haven't been thinking of it really that much lately.

I have been enjoying my FABULOUS family of three!!!!!!!!!!!! (and loving it!)

(insert picture here, but I just don't feel like it today.  I guess I just wanted to spit these words out, so that they stop bouncing around my brain taking up valuable space.)

Wordily,
Lindsay

1 comment:

Alisa said...

Wow! Sounds like I picked a great day to start reading your blog.

What an incredible journey this summer- and one that will continue.

Keep enjoying your family. Your daughter is blessed to have you two as such devoted parents.